hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
