We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
