God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
