What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
