as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
