If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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