remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
