She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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