theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Couch. On fire.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
