does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
