i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
