By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
