Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize