I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i dont even know how to be here
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
