Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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