Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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