I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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