margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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