So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
