all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
false alarm, still single
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
