Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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