Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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