apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
