I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
