ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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