She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
