my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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