Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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