Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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