I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
