They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
