Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
