My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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