Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
