every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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