There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
