halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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