My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
