and you said cock pushups were impossible
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
