Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
