I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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