she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
