Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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