I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
