Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
