Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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