if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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