Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
