Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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