My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
