Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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