My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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