when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
