What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fuck appropriateness.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize