She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
