remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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