we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
