there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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