She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
