Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
