She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
