jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
