hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is Oprah even human
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize