So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
