I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
